The importance of compassion and self-acceptance in a Focusing session
During the making contact phase of Focusing we
- Sense something
- Make room for and turn to that something and say hello (acknowledge it)
- Describe it freshly as if we have never felt it before.
- Check the description with our bodies
When we have the experience that our description fits, then we naturally deepen contact. In other words, we deepen the relationship with what we have sensed. At this point it generally shifts from a "something" into an "it", "he", "she", "that place".
During the deepening contact phase we
- Sense how it feels from its point of view.
- Sense if it has an emotion or mood.
- Let it know that we hear it.
During the deepening contact phase of a Focusing session does the IT you are in contact with know that YOU are there with it now? Does IT feel your compassionate presence?
Compassion and self-acceptance open the way for your emotional states to relax and give you their messages. When you fight or resist your emotions, they persist, and get more stuck. Or if something in you feels alone, unheard or unwanted, it may assume it is not worthy of attention. Then it might retreat or hide.
There are two helpful things you can do to convey compassion while Focusing.
1) Let a gentle hand go to the place in your body where you feel it.
2) Say to it “No wonder.”
“No wonder” is an effective and transformational phrase when you say it to yourself at key moments. “No wonder” quickly and directly delivers pure compassion and understanding to “something in you” that is struggling, hurting.
And when “something in you” receives pure compassion and understanding, it’s like a flower in a drought finally getting water. The petals start opening up, drinking in that water, receiving something they’ve been waiting for, for a long time.
Suppose you are in contact with a part of you that it letting you know that it feels tired and discouraged because it feels that nothing will change. You can say to it, "No wonder you feel tired and discouraged.
Hearing those words it will feel not only heard but will also feel your compassion, acceptance and support. When you say “No wonder” to yourself at key moments, it’s like you are giving life-giving nourishment to the hungry and thirsty parts of you that need it the most. This, in turn, can lead to big and lasting change in how you feel and behave every day.
You can also say “no wonder” when you sense that something in you has a feeling or an emotion connected to a belief. For example:
“Something in me is exhausted because I feel I have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.”
You as Self in Presence can say to that part, "No wonder you feel exhausted."
The phrase “No wonder” can shine a light so that we start to see problems and beliefs in a new way.
"No wonder" is so simple and yet the ultimate in compassion and self-acceptance. When you say, “No wonder,” you actually open a space that was locked, shut down or stuck and in that new space, something new can happen.