Ann Weiser Cornell heard a Focusing student say, "I sit with that feeling of abandonment, with tears and emotions, afraid that no one will ever come back." And Ann asks, "But does IT know that YOU are there now?"
She goes on to say we might say: "I am sensing that part of me feeling abandoned. It is showing me how it was back then -- and still is -- that it's so scared that no one will ever come back. I am letting it know I really sense how awful and scary that feels.
"I am sensing what kind of contact it wants from me right now. I am checking with it if it feels that I am here with it."
Our traumatized parts may be so completely preoccupied with their feelings that they do not recognize our presence with them. At first! But keep showing up, keep saying to those parts of you, "I am with you now." When you feel the part knowing that you are there, then you are on the way to real change.
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I found a short video by Tara Brach, author, psychologist and mindfulness teacher.
In this video she addresses 3 helpful steps we can use in life.
- Learn to observe your thoughts
- Mindfully sense you feelings and allowing to be just as the are
- Offering gestures of care to you inner self
I like her thoughts and they tie into Focusing.
- In Focusing we are learning to "observe" our thoughts. As Self in Presence we hold our thoughts as opposed to being our thoughts
- During the "making contact" stage of Focusing we sense for something and find the best way to describe it. We sit with it, keep it company, just as it is, with interest and compassion.
- During the 'deepening contact", the "self guiding instruction" the Focuser gives herself include:
- “I’m letting it know I hear it”.
- "I am checking with it if it feels that I am here with it."
- "I'm sitting with it with compassion"
- "I'm letting it know it can be as it is for as long as it needs to be.
These are examples of "offering gestures of care" that Tara Brach is referring to. Ann Weiser Cornell suggest that in the deepening contact stage we can put a gentle hand on the place on the body that is calling for attention.